So a friend of mine is going to Disney World later this month, and his trip has got me thinking about someone having a heart attack in the middle of Disney World.
This, in turn, has caused me to occasionally laugh to myself.
Before I go on, I should elaborate on this laughing thing. It's also probably a good idea to explain how I could, in any way, find a heart attack at Disney World--or anywhere, for that matter--funny.
Let me explain the laughing to myself thing first.
I have this terrible habit of smiling and laughing to myself when I find something funny. Compounding this unfortunate habit is the fact that I often think of funny things. Well, maybe you don't find them funny, but I find them funny.
So here's why I've been laughing to myself when my friend tells me he's going to Disney World at the end of the month.
You need to know a few things:
The first thing is something that a friend told me years ago: if you work at Disney World and are dressed as a cartoon character who must wear a headpiece (Mickey Mouse, for example), and you take your headpiece or three-fingered gloves off while you are in the amusement area, you lose your job. Immediately. I have no idea if this is true or not, but in order to understand why I've been laughing to myself, let's just assume it's true. So: if you're Mickey Mouse at Disney World, you cannot take your gloves or headpiece off.
The second thing you need to know is that workers at Disney World seem to spontaneously appear in the amusement area and then disappear. This is because there are no clearly marked doors for the employees to exit the amusement area and change in the employee's area. Instead, there is a vast network of unmarked doors and secret passageways, the better to preserve the magic atmosphere which the park's workers strive to maintain.
The third thing to know about Disney World--at least the third thing that I've heard about, and the third thing, however untrue, that I think about when I laugh to myself--is that when someone gets badly hurt at Disney World and needs medical attention, he or she suddenly finds him or herself surrounded by park workers whose job is to get that person out of the amusement area as quickly as possible. After all, a badly injured person seriously tarnishes the illusion of magic. And so, even if it is not true, I now have the image of this injured person being suddenly surrounded by a team of medics who have swarmed out of those secret passageways, all focused on getting this person out of the amusement area as fast as possible.
So, just to recap: Mickey can't take his gloves and head off; there are secret passageways; and when someone is injured, medics swarm from those passageways, and Disney medics come out of nowhere so as to get the afflicted person out of sight in a minute or so.
Still, however, we have not arrived at the image that makes me laugh.
To get there, we need to consider a few more factors:
Millions of people visit Disney World each year.
Several thousand people have heart attacks each year.
This makes it distinctly possible that someone has had a heart attack inside Disney World.
So now, come inside my mind and imagine someone having a heart attack right in front of Mickey Mouse.
Imagine that the employee playing Mickey is torn. He's trained in CPR, but he doesn't want to take his gloves off and lose his job. He knows that the stricken tourist needs mouth to mouth resuscitation, but to do that, he would have to remove his headpiece, which would, again, threaten his employment.
Suddenly, one of the other employees kneels down to help, because the medics haven't emerged from the secret passages. The other employee, who is also trained in emergency medicine is dressed as Snow White.
The two Disney characters regard each other. Obviously, Mickey can't give mouth to mouth resuscitation, because that would mean taking off his headpiece. And so, while Snow White gives the kiss of life to the stricken tourist, Mickey straddles the tourist and begins to administer CPR.
It isn't easy to interlock his fingers, because Mickey doesn't want to lose his job; the gloves are cumbersome and have only three fingers. Still, Mickey is able to press on the tourist's chest and start the heart massage. At this point, though, Mickey is faced with another dilemma: how should he count out the chest thrusts? Is speaking in his normal voice considered the vocal equivalent of taking off the headpiece?
Mickey makes the decision. No, he needs his job. And so, consciously punctuating his voice with the occasional quick "ha-ha"s that are the trademark of his voice, Mikey starts to count, speaking in the mouse's unmistakable falsetto:
"One and two and three and four and one and two and three and four. Ha-ha, ha-ha, check his pulse, check his pulse. One and two and three and four. Ha-ha, ha-ha. One and two and three and four."
Japanese tourists ring the spectacle, all of them snapping photos furiously. Finally, out of the secret passageways, the medics arrive, just as Snow White, also speaking in the high, unmistakable voice of the character from the movie, says "Oh, gee wilikers, a pulse! He has a pulse!"
The medics tend to the man, who opens his eyes to thunderous applause. Standing up, Mickey and Snow White bow to the audience as the medics focus on getting the man off of the amusement area, away from the magic.
"Get some Ringer's in him, he's dehydrated," Mickey says, still in the falsetto voice, still in character.
Later, both Mickey and Snow white will get letters of commendation in their files. Mickey finds himself falling for Snow White, and she for him.
Now they are safe in the depths of Underground Disney World, and Snow White is not looking not at a mouse anymore, but a man, his headpiece off, and his face flushed from the effort of the CPR.
"You know," she says, "relationships that begin under stressful conditions are doomed to fail."
"My name is Don," he says, taking her in his arms, his four fingered hands pulling her closer.
"Mine's Daisy," she says.
And they live happily ever after.
And this is one of the reasons I giggle from time to time, seemingly for no apparent reason.
Now you know the reason.
No comments:
Post a Comment